What Does “Demisexual” Mean? Understanding a Growing Term in Modern Sexuality
As conversations around identity and attraction continue to evolve, many people find it increasingly difficult to keep up with new terms related to sex and sexuality.
Words such as “graysexual,” “abrosexual,” and “demisexual” are now more commonly discussed in media and online spaces. While these labels aim to help individuals better understand and express their experiences, they can sometimes feel confusing to those unfamiliar with them.
One term that has gained wider attention in recent years is demisexual.
Why Demisexuality Entered the Spotlight
Public awareness of demisexuality increased after British singer and TV personality Tulisa Contostavlos spoke openly about her identity in 2024 while appearing on I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here!.
During the program, Tulisa explained that she only experiences sexual attraction after forming a strong emotional connection with someone.
In an interview with BBC News, she said:
“For me, it’s all about the connection and the emotions that I feel with someone.”
She also described herself as “a slow burner,” emphasizing the importance of trust and emotional depth in her relationships.
What Is Demisexuality?
Demisexuality is generally understood as a sexual orientation in which a person experiences sexual attraction only after developing a close emotional bond.
Unlike people who may feel attraction based on appearance or immediate chemistry, demisexual individuals typically need time to build trust and emotional intimacy before feeling sexually drawn to someone.
For many demisexual people:
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Emotional connection comes first
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Physical attraction develops later
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Casual encounters may feel unappealing
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Personality and trust matter more than surface traits
It is important to note that demisexuality exists on the broader asexual spectrum, meaning experiences can vary from person to person.
How Demisexuality Can Affect Dating
Because demisexual attraction develops slowly, dating can sometimes be more challenging.
Demisexual individuals may find:
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Online dating based on quick impressions difficult
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Pressure for immediate intimacy uncomfortable
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Rejection more emotionally intense after bonding
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Fewer romantic interests overall
At the same time, many report that their relationships feel especially meaningful because they are built on strong emotional foundations.
Why These Terms Matter
While the growing number of identity labels can feel overwhelming, supporters argue that they serve an important purpose: helping people understand themselves and communicate their needs more clearly.
For some, discovering a term like “demisexual” can be reassuring. It provides language for feelings they may have struggled to explain and confirms that others share similar experiences.
Critics, however, argue that too many labels can complicate personal relationships or create unnecessary divisions. Still, most experts agree that self-identification remains a personal choice.
A Broader Cultural Shift
The increasing visibility of terms like demisexual reflects a wider cultural shift toward openness about emotional health, boundaries, and relationship expectations.
More people today are questioning traditional ideas about attraction and exploring what works best for them individually rather than following social norms.
This change has been amplified by social media, celebrity discussions, and wider representation in mainstream media.
Conclusion
Demisexuality describes people who experience sexual attraction only after forming a deep emotional connection. It emphasizes trust, personality, and emotional intimacy over immediate physical appeal.
Tulisa Contostavlos’s public discussion helped bring attention to the term, but demisexual individuals have long existed—often without a name for their experience.
As conversations around identity continue to grow, understanding these terms can help promote empathy, clearer communication, and respect for different relationship styles.
Whether someone identifies as demisexual or not, learning about these perspectives offers insight into the many ways people experience attraction and connection.