Since laughter is the best medicine, there’s no better way to start the day than with a good belly laugh. We’ve compiled a humorous list of jokes that make fun of married life’s highs and lows, including sassy maids, naive husbands, and a few surprising turns.
These jokes serve as a wonderful reminder that comedy can be found in the most unlikely settings, including the midst of unhappy marriages. So take a seat back, unwind, and enjoy these whimsical stories that celebrate the funny side of life, love, and the occasional marital mischievous moment. Ultimately, sharing laughter is a beautiful way to strengthen relationships and spread happiness, and these tales are guaranteed to make you grin.
Supermarket Surprise
While at the grocery store, a man sees a pretty woman waving at him. He’s a little surprised when she says hello because he can’t remember where he knew her.
“Do you know me?” he asks.
“I think you’re the father of one of my kids,” she responds.
“My God, are you the woman from my bachelor party that I made love to near the pool and then started crying, realizing I cheated on my wife and beating myself for this?” he asks, his thoughts returning to the one and only occasion he has ever cheated on his wife.
With a serene expression, she says, “No, I’m your son’s teacher.”
A maid for an occasion
The boss’s wife became irate when the maid asked for a raise.
“Now, Helen, why do you think you deserve a pay increase?” said the wife.
Helen: “Three causes are involved. I iron better than you, to start with.”
Spouse: “Who said that?”
“Your husband,” said Helen.
Wife: “I see.”
Helen’s reply: “The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.”
Spouse: “Who said that?”
“Your husband,” said Helen.
Wife: “I see.”
Helen’s reply: “The third reason is that I am a better lover than you.”
The wife: “Did my husband say that as well?”
“No, the gardener did,” said Helen.
Your spouse: “So, how much do you want?”
Six Feet Beneath Covers
When the wife heard her husband’s key in the door, she was in bed with her boyfriend. She said, “Stay where you are.” “He’s so drunk he won’t even notice you’re in bed with me.”
After staggering into bed, the husband noticed, through a state of inebriation, that there were six feet protruding from the end of the bed a short while later.
“Hey, there are six feet in this bed,” he turned to face his spouse. There need to be just four. What is happening?”
The wife remarked, “You’re so drunk you miscounted.” Try again after getting out of bed. From over there, you have a better view.
The spouse got out of bed and began to count. “1, 2, 3, 4, and so on. You’re right, dammit.”
April Fools’ Day
Husband: I’ve been unfaithful before.
Wife: I concur as well.
First husband in Apriii.
Wife: June 18th.
Hostile Environment
A home is broken into by an intruder who takes the husband and wife prisoner. He ties them to the chairs and has them sit back to back on chairs facing the other way. The thief starts robbing the house slowly and deliberately.
The homeowners are tethered to their chairs as the burglar prepares to flee after stealing everything of value. Suddenly, the guy yells at the burglar, “Please untie her, please, let her go!”
“No, I’m not untying either of you so that the authorities get notified as soon as possible,” the thief replies. Don’t worry, long before you become very dehydrated, your neighbors will wonder why your lights are left on all night and will come check on you.”
“Please, just untie her, I’ll do anything!” begs the man once more.
“I need to get away with this crime, I’m sorry, I can’t leave anything up to chance,” the burglar says in explaining his motivation once more.
Frantically, the man shuffles his chair in the direction of the intruder and yells, “I’m begging you man, just let her go, she won’t call the cops, I promise!” before running out.
It touched the burglar, who remained unmoving, to see how much his prisoner cared for his wife.
“Whoa,” he exclaimed. “You must really love your wife to beg me to untie her so desperately.”
“No,” the irrationally furious man shot back. “My wife will be home in 15 minutes.”
Crisis in the Closet Case
After leaving work early, a man discovers odd noises emanating from the bedroom. When he gets upstairs, he finds his wife panting and sweating, lying on the bed in only her panties.
Says, “What’s up?”
“I’m having a heart attack,” exclaims the lady.
As he quickly makes his way downstairs to get the phone, his 4-year-old kid approaches and exclaims, “Daddy! Dad! Uncle Ted is not wearing any clothing and is lurking in your closet.”
After slamming the phone down, the man storms upstairs, past his wife who is yelling, and pulls open the wardrobe door. As expected, his brother is cowering on the closet floor, completely nude.
“You heartless beast,” cries the spouse, “my wife’s having a heart attack and you’re running around naked scaring the kids!!!”
Aroma and Discrimination
After visiting his mistress’s home, a man returns home. He soon discovers, nevertheless, that he smells like her perfume. After having a few glasses of whiskey at the local bar, he leaves and goes home.
“You disrespectful pig!” his wife yelled at him as soon as she scented him at the door. I will be able to tell if you have been drinking even if you cover yourself with a gallon of women’s perfume.”