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    Home » Every Time My Husband Lies, I Catch Him—Thanks to My Therapist, Who Taught Me How to Spot a Lie
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    Every Time My Husband Lies, I Catch Him—Thanks to My Therapist, Who Taught Me How to Spot a Lie

    Kelly WhitewoodBy Kelly WhitewoodSeptember 18, 20248 Mins Read
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    Every marriage relies on trust, but what happens when it breaks? Freya here, telling how I discovered the lies that threatened my family and found the strength to fight for the truth.

    My marriage to Adrian seemed like winning the lottery. My high school love and I survived college and early professions and emerged stronger. Adrian was ambitious, driven, and charming—every woman’s dream boyfriend.

    As his finance duties increased, so did his time away from home. Initially, I was proud. My spouse was rising in the world, providing for our family and ensuring we had everything.

    Life was hectic with three children: Chris, our oldest, and Hope and April, our daughters. Adrian rarely seen our daily pandemonium.

    Mornings were spent getting the kids ready for school, eating breakfast, checking homework, and making it to my part-time job without losing my mind.

    Dinner, baths, and bedtime readings were still my responsibility in the evenings. Adrian was generally still working at the office when I went to bed.

    I sat on the couch fatigued one night after putting the kids to bed. The home was too quiet, and I felt it. Dialed Adrian on the phone.

    He replied, “Hey, love,” seeming distracted.

    Still working? I asked, attempting to hide my disappointment.

    “Yeah, there’s just so much to do,” he sighed. “I don’t know when I’ll be home.”

    Biting my lip, I fought frustration. Adrian, you work late often. Your kids miss you. I miss you.”

    Freya, I’m sorry. But this is the current situation. If we can land a significant client, it will boost our security.”

    More security, huh? The words tasted harsh as I repeated. “I’d like more of you too.”

    I almost saw him rubbing his temples to avoid guilt during the extended delay on the other end. “I’ll compensate. I assure you.”

    “Sure,” I whispered, but he had already disconnected the phone and returned to work, which was more essential than me and his family.

    Loneliness persisted. It spread throughout my life. I snapped at the kids over the simplest things, striving to stay calm. I started seeing a therapist then.

    I believed talking to someone may help me understand everything, from the heavy responsibility of being a parent to the creeping misgivings I didn’t want to confess to myself.

    I wasn’t expecting Dr. Eileen’s warmth and comfort. Our sessions were a safe space to express my frustrations and worries. She listened well, and I slowly regained control.

    One session, Dr. Eileen leaned in with a sly smile. “Freya, have you ever wondered if people are honest?”

    I scowled, not understanding her point. “You mean what?”

    She laughed softly. “In relationships, we sometimes miss signs. I’ve developed a couple methods to detect deception over time.

    I laughed, shaking my head. “Oh, I don’t need that—I trust my husband.”

    I meant it. Despite his absence, Adrian was always honest with me, I thought. She still intrigued me with her expression. “But spill the secrets anyway.”

    Eileen lifted an eyebrow. Are you sure? It may alter your perspective.”

    I waved goodbye, smiling. “No worries. Adrian is the most reliable person I know.”

    She hesitated before nodding. “Alright, but remember, this is about awareness, not distrust.”

    Though I nodded, I was dismissive. Adrian never made me mistrust him. I was more attentive than I wanted to admit as she explained the various indicators people inadvertently provide while lying.

    The unease I had after seeing Dr. Eileen persisted. Adrian had always been trustworthy, but now her words haunted me everytime we spoke. Doubts soon crept into my daily life.

    Adrian entered the kitchen one morning while I was dishing up breakfast for the kids, dressed in his normal sharp suit and holding his phone.

    He said, “I’ll be working late again tonight,” scarcely looking up from his screen.

    Holding the butter knife over the toast, I paused. “Again? What’s keeping you occupied at work?

    He finally looked up, and I saw his hand touch his nose, a gesture I’d seen a hundred times but never considered until now.

    I have many reports to do. His voice was light, but his eyes flickered to the right. Management was breathing down our necks.

    My heart jumped. When people lie, they glance to the right, Dr. Eileen said. “That sounds stressful,” I faked a smile. Why not let me bring dinner tonight? You need rest.”

    His laughter was too loud after he hesitated. Really, no need. Grab something quick. No big deal.”

    But it mattered to me. Little doubt was suddenly developing into a big problem. I kept thinking about Dr. Eileen’s advice as Adrian kissed me on the cheek and left.

    I followed him that night, something I never thought I would. I told my sister I wanted time alone and left the kids with her. To avoid Adrian’s notice, I parked far away at his office.

    My heart raced, reflecting my fear and betrayal.

    I watched the workplace lights go out one by one over hours. Finally, he left the building and went to a group of men waiting by a car instead of going home or eating late.

    I recognized his coworkers. They laughed and joked like nothing was wrong. They got in the car and headed to a neighboring bowling alley, not another business meeting.

    Bowling. While I worried and managed the kids alone, he was having fun with his pals. The realization hit me like a bomb, and my rage erupted. He lied to me how many times?

    Chris was pretending to study at the kitchen table when I got home. Seeing my oldest son with his head in a textbook brought me back to reality. I needed to stay calm for them.

    “How’s the studying?” In a steady voice, I asked.

    I watched shame flash across Chris’s face as he looked up.

    Mom, it’s fine. Just reviewing Spanish vocabulary.”

    “Oh?” Raised eyebrow. “How’s your teacher feeling about your progress?”

    He squirmed uneasily in his chair, averting my eyes. “She likes it. No complaints.”

    Yet, I remembered the message I found in his backpack the day before, from his Spanish teacher, regarding his missed homework and sliding grades.

    I crossed my arms and leaned on the counter. Chris, you sure? Because I found a memo suggesting otherwise.”

    His face paled. “I… Sorry, Mom. I wanted to reassure you.”

    I said, “I’m not angry about the grades, Chris,” with disappointment. You lying to me upsets me. We should be honest.”

    He nodded, glancing at his hands. “This won’t happen again, Mom.”

    After the kids went to bed, I waited in the living room for Adrian. I was ready when he entered.

    “Long day?” I asked, trying to speak clearly.

    He nodded without looking at me. “Yes, pretty exhausting.”

    After biting my lip, I dove in. “How’s work treating you, Adrian? How about your salary? Everything okay?

    He blinked in surprise. Yes, everything’s fine. You ask why?

    Just curious. Are you still playing poker for money with the guys?

    My abrupt questions confused him, and he grimaced. “No, not really. Why?”

    I saw everything. His fingers tapping on the table, his hand brushing his chin sometimes, and his eyes flashing rapidly indicated he was lying.

    However, when I directly inquired if he loved me, his response was different. He stared me in the eye and spoke honestly. Love you, Freya. I always have.”

    He shook me with his candor. Not enough to erase everything else. After taking a big breath, I whispered the words that had been on my lips since following him.

    Adrian—I know you lied to me. I know you were bowling with pals tonight, not at work.”

    He gasped and tried to deny it, but the truth was out. Both he and I knew. Freya, I—

    “If you want to save this marriage,” I added, shaking but resolute, “you need to start being honest with me. Be there for your family. This can’t continue.”

    His remorse was evident as he looked down. I’m sorry, Freya. Not realizing how much I wounded you. I pledge to improve. I’ll help kids more and be more present. “I didn’t want to burden you with everything.”

    Nodding, tears came. “Adrian, we should work together. I need you.”

    He hugged me tightly, and for the first time in a while, we were on the same page. The journey ahead would be difficult, but maybe we could find each other.

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