Adoption Doesn’t Erase Trauma: A Story of Strength and Survival
After living with her oldest son for 2.5 years, a mother was surprised to find him making himself dinner using uncooked Ramen noodles. When she questioned him, he revealed that he used to make dinner for himself and his younger siblings when they lived with their “old family”. According to him, their previous family would often pass out, leaving them hungry and forcing him to find change in the van to buy Ramen packets from the store down the street. He didn’t know how to boil water, so he would eat it raw and break it up for his siblings.
When the mother asked him to make her some, he started talking about the first time she made them Ramen and how he refused to eat it because it reminded him of his previous experiences. However, he said that he wasn’t sad about not being with his “old family” anymore, but sometimes he likes to remember how strong he had to be.
This story illustrates how trauma affects children who come from “hard places”. Trauma doesn’t heal quickly, and it may never go away. Adoption doesn’t erase the past or the memories, but kids can change with love. Parents should never give up on a child because they are “hard”.
“Trauma infuses itself into every pore. Kids just don’t forget it. Their brains and bodies won’t let them.”
The mother in this story was shocked and saddened by her son’s experience, but also incredibly proud of his strength and resilience. She emphasized that trauma-informed care requires listening to children and being willing to sit down and eat uncooked Ramen noodles with them. Parents must be willing to enter into the lives of children who have experienced trauma and never give up on them.
Trauma Changes Children
Children who have experienced trauma have lived in survival mode and had to prioritize survival over their childhood. This means that their younger siblings may also have been affected, and the responsibility of ensuring their survival often falls on the oldest child. Trauma infuses itself into every aspect of a child’s life, and they never forget it. It affects their brains and bodies in ways that may not be immediately apparent.
Adoption Doesn’t Erase the Past
Adoption is a beautiful thing, but it doesn’t erase a child’s past or the memories associated with it. Children who come from “hard places” may have experienced abuse, neglect, or other traumatic events that will affect them for the rest of their lives. Adoptive parents must be willing to enter into their child’s life and listen to their experiences, no matter how difficult they may be to hear.
Love Can Help Children Heal
Despite the challenges that come with parenting children who have experienced trauma, love can make a significant difference. Kids who come from “hard places” can change with love and support from their adoptive families. However, it takes time, patience, and a willingness to listen to the child’s experiences. Adoptive parents must never give up on their children, no matter how “hard” they may seem.
Credit: Aubren D. & Barren to Blessed